Names, Darling, Names!

Barge into Bears, Young Adam into 80s Years Olds

Thanks to successful efforts from right wing anti-gay groups, October 12-18 was proclaimed Marriage Protection Week by President George W. Bush.

Hmm. Anyone know the divorce rates between those dates? Or how many wives were beaten/killed/raped by their husbands? Glad someone’s watching out to ensure marriage stays holy!

Actually, rather than track statistics, we expended our energies at HRC’s www.millionformarriage.org, which will send notes to our president, senators, etc. on your behalf regarding the marriage issue. We’ve no plans to abuse our spouses (yet), but we’d at least like all taxpayers afforded the same rights!

Tilda Swinton’s seen her share of family dysfunction in films like “The War Zone” and “The Deep End.” The otherworldly redhead was in town for the New York Film Festival’s U.S. premiere of “Young Adam,” in which she co-stars with fellow Scot Ewan McGregor.

Rosie Perez, Woody Harrelson, Ana Deviere Smith, Terry Washington, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Derek Luke “Antoine Fisher,” David Moscow, and socialite Amanda Hearst joined Swinton at Chelsea’s new sexy hot spot, Viscaya, for Grand Marnier’s Final Cut Party for “Young Adam.”

We found Swinton seated in one of the club’s “privacy pods” (which looked like huge water buckets lined with banquettes) in its water-themed central lounge room, surrounded by ogling admirers. Swinton portrays a barge owner’s wife who becomes entangled with a mysterious transient (McGregor). Between snacking on hor d’oeuvres, she explained the barge worker life’s appeal: “It’s a very vagabond life, an outsiders existence.”

After all her recent success, does Swinton––who got her start in Derek Jarman’s experimental queer films––still feel like an outsider herself? “I can’t imagine what its like NOT to be one. Can you imagine what it’s like to be an INSIDER?” No Tilda, we can’t. Sigh.

“It’s not the kind of thing I like,” she added. “Outsiders are always the best company.” And we look forward to the next time we share hers. Continuing our search for tasty fare, we barged our way into another “pod”––inside, Rebecca Romijn Stamos was tucked in and very huggy-kissy with her “X-Men 2” co-star, Alan Cumming.

There’s a racy scene in “Young Adam” that might do for ketchup what last “Tango in Paris” did for butter. Do these movie mutants have a favorite condiment in the bedroom? Alan took little time to respond with his usual wicked smile, “Olive oil.” Not scented? “Extra virgin.”

Romijn was amused, yet pensive. “Hmmm. Horseradish sauce, and [he] knows why.” But Alan didn’t, so she elaborated in whispers. Did we hear you say “cum” in Cummings ear? Care to share the saucier details? “That’s all you get.” True to her character, she maintained a MYSTIQUE.

Speaking of shape-shifters, Disney’s new, touching animated film, “Brother Bear,” sees a strapping teenage Native American boy who doesn’t know how to love turn into a bear and fall for a younger boy bear. Sounds a little more racy than it comes off onscreen, but we adored “Brother Bear”’s subversive stance against gay body fascism: Become a big ol’ hairy bear rather than, say, a prettyboy twink and tons of men will embrace you.

42nd Street was closed off––as was our subway exit––to make way for “Brother Bear’s” premiere at the New Amsterdam Theater. After the film ended, the screen rose up to reveal Phil Collins (who, a la Tarzan, composed and performed most of the film’s songs). He called the film a “labor of love,” and launched into a mini-concert. As a special treat, Tina Turner––looking hot as ever in over-the-knee leather boots––took to the stage and performed her number from the soundtrack, “Great Spirits.” Upstaged by Turner’s performance (and standing ovations), Collins reappeared afterwards, remarked “She came all the way just to do this. She’s going home now,” and continued with hits like “Two Hearts” and “You Can’t Hurry Love.”

The question most asked in the heyday of Area, Limelight, and the Palladium was “Did Andy get here yet?” reminisced Arnold Barkus, former ed. of 80s Island mag. We’d like to think Warhol’s ghost (eventually) arrived when Bergdorf Goodman and Gucci celebrated the launch of uber celeb photographer Patrick McMullan’s book, “SO80s: A Photographic Diary of a Decade,” at Bergdorf’s last week.

Slide images of Warhol and other 80s nightlife characters were flashed around the store’s walls like apparitions, while waiters with Flock of Seagulls’ hair do(n’t)s served mini-burgers and grilled cheese sandwiches as Blondie blared.

“I’ve got booze in my system and drugs up my nose. I’m not feeling sober,” revealed one too 80s reveler as we made our way to the second floor Gucci VIP area. Among the designer goods we found society ladies’ fave designer Douglas Hannant and partner Frederik Anderson, joking fondly about how they couldn’t remember what the club Area even looked like. Was it “the hallucinations, or did they keep changing it?” We were “always too fucked up to see it.”

We saw McMullan, who was very busy shmoozing, shooting and signing books for guests. “I put it [the book] on eBay yesterday, didn’t get much,” shared Lady Bunny within wigshot of the guest of honor. Bad wabbit! We wouldn’t sell ours for the world.

Arianna Huffington stopped over to chat. In the 80s, “I had just moved from London to New York. It was great then,” she delivered in a politician’s monotone. Does young designer Zak Posen, who had model Erin O’Connor on his arm, even REMEMBER the 80’s? “Of course I do,” he insisted. “I’ve known [McMullan] since I was ten. He watched me grow up.” Clearly still growing, Posen proffered, “I need to find my mom and my keys,” adding a quick compliment to our jewelry, and he was off.

We were off to take in the amazing mix of guests including (big breath!): Katie Holmes, Angela Bassett, Suzanne Bartsch, David Barton, Richie Rich, Debbie Harry, Maxwell, Maripol, Anita Sarko (who was surprised to hear we read her “Subtitles” column on McMullan’s web site), George Wayne, Tina Louise, Benjamin Liu, Ayman Alabi, Gail Elliot, Phillip Bloch, Robin Byrd, Amanda LEpore, Sylvia Miles, Lypsinka, Maer Roshan, Bobby Zarem, Denise Rich, Paul Morrissey, Hunt Slonem, Serena Bass, Janice Combs, Diane Von Furstenberg, Ali Larter, Cornelia Guest, Mary McFadden, Ahmet Ertugen, Carolina and Reinaldo Herrera, Patricia Fields, Sidney Biddle Barrows, Nan Kempner, Harry and Gigi Benson, Daniel Benedict, Andrew Saffir, Elizabeth Kieselstein-Cord, Fabian Basabe, Marjorie Gubelman, Kathy and Rick Hilton, and on, on, and on. You get the picture?

Contact us at FerberandSabo@aol.com.

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