Dialogue, Cross Purposes and Martyrdom

Excuse me, self-loathing isn’t a hate crime? See: Selbsthass, (German for self-hatred); relation to Holocaust.

No, it is a victimless feeling, not necessarily engendering an action, and least of all projection onto another of (arguably correct) feelings of disgust felt for the self (self-glimpsed) in a state of thwarted narcissistic rage, and is therefore any sort of crime a victimless one?

You’re a regular riot, Alice (or Bob or Carol or Ted).

The Media Caravan, deeply wedded to the whole idea of info-tainment, considers itself MGM in relation to the instruction of the populace in self governance. It considers Washington, well, Republic Pictures.

ABC: I mean if we play this thing right we might get something as good as — well maybe not John Wayne Gacy, I mean that was too perfect, with the name and everything and its association with, you know, America and real masculinity, and so many boy victims, and such projective self-loathing. Or what was that movie, “L.I.E.”, with that guy and the cops knew all about him all along and finally the kid he throws over for the other kid who walks up and shoots him at the wheel of his car. And we’ve got a bombshell of our own right here, and no, we’re not trying to queer the pitch — no pun intended — of the HRC — and anyway, they have nothing to cry about this week with the Supremes refusing to hear that Massachusetts challenge thing, and they should realize they’re just like everybody else, some you win and some you lose, right?

Who champions a killer? His defense attorney (and her press agent if he has one, and anybody else who makes a living off her gestural life or the report of it). Also Lambda Legal and often the ACLU, so he won’t get the death penalty. (She isn’t always grateful.)

Matthew Shepard was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Really. From whose point of view, the Fates? (Self-blame and the ironic homosexual, circa 1960: “Ya knew it was dangerous work when ya took the job!”)

So, is there some connection in your mind perhaps between the fact that no, there were no weapons of mass destruction — nor could there, considering Mossad’s surveillance skills, have been — but a civilization of more than four thousand years duration (in trace) over which — read Ozymandias — many a tyrant has ruled, only to crumble, has been plowed under, erased, over a thousand soldiers have died in a goat fuck because America just has to . . . do something about this, and the suspicion that no, those goons had no more against Matthew Shepard than against any other gorgeous little guy with a few clean extra bucks in his pocket who just happened to be a living reproach to everything they were?

Are we talking? The only point of this kind of info-tainment is frisson and what’s the frisson here? The “bombshell” that everybody was at it (this thing called the love that used to dare not speak its name). Plus drugs. So, what’s different? Here are the criminals: robbers, killers if they have to be, drug traffickers, homosexuals — what? Homosexuals are not criminals any more? In how many states? All of them? Bowers versus the whole state of Georgia?

Listen, we’re trying to enlighten you here, in a few strong, simple strokes, all right? If you’re going to muddy the waters with semantics and every other spanner you can throw into that — what? Mixing our metaphors? We’ll mix what we like. This is America, not Europe; here we express ourselves freely and simply.

Carryin’ on about the factuality of the actual presence of weapons of mass destruction while exploiting a routine murder case into a high-profile American melodrama for spurious political ends? Some of you people will stop at nothing.

We do not hate ourselves — that’s just something Jews and fags made up over in Europe and peddled in New York, where they’ll rook you out of anything. We hate you, man, and you know why? Because you fucked it all up. We had it good; we were all straight guys, married, kids, mortgages, two cars, and if we wanted to fuck around with guys, we fucked around with guys and the cops got paid off and nobody gave a shit except some poor excuse for a cocksucker arrested in the bus station, or some queer messing around with one of our sons — and nobody messed around with our sons, man, unless it was us, and that was bonding. And then you went public — you got fags like Truman Capote to go on television and brag about how they had these things with married guys — and that brought us all under this scrutiny, and not satisfied with that, you started ridiculing us, and you started teaching our children to ridicule us. That was a big mistake — nobody teaches a kid to ridicule a man and fucking get away with it.

You exposed us, man, we exposed your kid. We ripped off his clothes, beat him senseless and hung him out to dry on a fence in Wyoming in the kind of winter weather that freezes a shirt fresh out of the washtub into the shape of a guy with his arms wide open. You want your queer kids open and willing, with their arms spread to the world? We’re telling you this is what they can expect to get from the world. It’s sort of like what happened sooner rather than later to them five kids down in Texas. Their momma was a Christian woman too — who knows but that she had the right idea after all, else at least one and maybe two of those little fuckers would’ve turned into the kind to rise up and kill their momma and daddy both, just like those devil boys out in California, lyin’ and spyin’ and killin’ in cold blood with not even a Christian reason. Better to kill ‘em sooner — like that senator of ours said about the president goin’ after Sadam Hussein with his rake, that’s the armed forces of the U.S. of A. Senator talked about this oleo copperhead he found crawlin’ around the tines of his rake — he picked up that rake and beat that copperhead to death. He didn’t wait for that copperhead to slither up the handle of that rake and go for his neck.

This kid you made your poster boy? Looked like an angel — so maybe he was too good for this world. Just goes to show you.

Is there anybody in this mess clearly doing the right thing?

Lambda Legal.

Self-loathing. Selbsthass. A hate crime, my darling.

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