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Family, friends remember a life cut short by illness

Published: Thursday, September 10, 2009 2:42 PM CDT
By Patrick Hedlund 
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Julia Bernstein never fit the profile of the typical wayward teenager.

When the 16-year-old wasn’t competing nationally as a figure skater or playing the lead in her school play, she spent time volunteering at a soup kitchen and writing poetry. A classic overachiever, the lifelong W. 15th St. resident earned perfect marks in school and planned to take college courses this summer on her way to a career in physical therapy.

But beyond all the talent and ambition, she suffered from a debilitating eating disorder that ultimately proved too much to bear. On July 1, after a two-year battle with anorexia that appeared to be tilting in her favor, Julia took her own life.

“That she was getting better is the hard part,” said Jenna Bernstein, 24, her eldest sister. “She was doing really well toward the end, but there was something dark that nobody saw.”

Eating disorders represent a particularly difficult illness to treat, because there is no outright cure and the afflicted can spend their whole lives fighting the disease. Over the past year and a half, she had undergone treatment at a Philadelphia clinic during two extended stays and worked with a team of doctors assisting in the recovery process.

But despite all the hardship associated with the illness—including Julia having to give up figure skating as her health deteriorated—her family explained that she continued to excel in school and other endeavors.

“No one saw this coming,” said Julia’s father, Jon Bernstein, adding that her spirits seemed high after overcoming previous bouts with depression. “She started to really become the happy kid she was.”

Still a year away from graduation, Julia had recently taken a trip to Boston with her twin sister, Anna, to survey colleges in the area. She immediately became fond of Northeastern University for its six-year doctorate program in physical therapy, and told her dad she wanted to pursue the practice. Her more immediate plans included taking intensive science courses at Hunter College during summer break and getting back on the ice—signs that pointed to her improving health and demeanor. But then, “something just snapped,” her father said.

Julia’s family may never be able to explain why, after making so much progress, she decided to end her life. But suicide has proven to be a major cause of death for those suffering from anorexia, which is a disease with broad psychological implications. “The eating disorder clearly killed her,” said Jon Bernstein, adding that the gravity of the illness extends beyond many people’s comprehension.

Still, Julia remained good-natured and selfless until the very end, inspiring many to share stories about her positive attitude and willingness to help those in need.

“Part of her problem was that she could never get angry at anyone,” Jenna Bernstein said. “That’s not who she was. She would never allow anyone to feel alone or feel upset.”

In addition to her skating and acting, Julia volunteered at the Village Temple Soup Kitchen and got involved with fundraising at her high school, where she raised the most donations of any student for a cancer benefit at the Upper West Side’s Beacon School.

But figure skating remained her true passion. Before moving on to advanced training in New Jersey, she first laced up her skates at the Sky Rink at Chelsea Piers.

“She was a very nice little kid, very well-behaved, and she came into the rink and worked hard,” said Darlene Parent, a coach at the Sky Rink for the last 30 years who had instructed Julia and her twin sister. “She will be etched in my mind as a little girl that was coming along beautifully and looking like she had the talent to do well in figure skating.”

Julia also had a penchant for writing, often penning letters and poems of gratitude to her friends and family—even leaving a note for her father every night before going to bed.

“It was a way to express her feelings,” Jon Bernstein said, explaining that people with eating disorders need to find outlets to articulate pent-up emotions. “She had such strong feelings.”

After Julia’s death, an outpouring of support came in the form of online tributes posted to the popular networking site Facebook. One memorial page currently counts more than 500 members, with many adding personal messages about how Julia touched their lives. The reactions ranged from shock and sadness to remembering “her loving smile, her wisdom beyond her years, her immense beauty, and compassion for all living beings,” a respondent wrote.

Another online commenter, who said she had entered the same treatment center as Julia only days before she was discharged, noted that her passing had hit the clinic’s community hard. “She deserves to be free from her burdens,” the young woman stated. “She was too young to leave this earth, but she’s watching over us. That I am sure.”

Another added: “I am honored to have known her, hugged her, loved her. One of the greatest inspirations I have ever met in my life.”

Students from the Beacon School also used the Web site to spark a grassroots memorial on July 9, which drew about 50 people to the W. 60 St. school. Julia’s family did not know the organizers but were surprised at the number of people who arrived to pay tribute, including girls from the center in Philadelphia where Julia had received treatment.

“They expressed in an incredible way how Julia changed their lives, touched their lives,” John Bernstein said. “We had no idea.”

The family has encouraged those who want to help to make donations in Julia’s name to the Village Temple Soup Kitchen and the Renfrew Center, where she received treatment.

As the testaments about just how profound an effect she had on other people continue to pour in, the hope is that Julia’s life will motivate those grappling with the same issues to get better.

“What she would want most,” Jenna said, “is for her story to help at least one person.”


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